4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
