i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
