So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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