Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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