What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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