I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
