I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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