From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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