Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
