Sponge bath it is.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!