Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
