After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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