Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
