I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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