If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
