Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
