I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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