why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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