is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
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once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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