Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
