you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
