a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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