i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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