That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
