no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think my moral compass just broke
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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