We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
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after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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