I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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