True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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