So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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