I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
