Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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