She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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