The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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