I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
