Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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