So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
