my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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