you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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