took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
