Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
