I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
