I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
