i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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