I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
