Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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