Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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