Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
