You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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