i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
