Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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