Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
