I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
