I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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