she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
