I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
