Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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