I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
