There was a lot of him and a little penis
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
