I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
