Only a mothe r could love this liver
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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