and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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