Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
