Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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