grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
