All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
