Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
