Soap is not a condiment
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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