I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
