i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
