We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
