I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
