She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
