i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
