So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
