It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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