guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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