Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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