I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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