I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
