I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
